You will want to look past the general wellness of the house on your next trip to visit your parents in Baton Rouge. Focus on the changes in your parents’ environment and daily routines. Are there new Foods or Items that have been added to, or left behind, by your parent? Where do the routines of your parent take place throughout the house? Are there new pill reminders? Have your parent’s clothes changed? Have your parents lost or gained weight? How do your parents accomplish the routines of their daily activities?
While you can gather some of this information over the phone, there are things you can’t gather over the phone. Over the phone you can’t see how well your parents transfer Food from one location to another. You can’t see if your parents are walking with the assistance of another person or using a cane.
Changes in your parents’ daily activities may reveal your parent’s need for care. However, this is not always the case. Look for odd changes to your parents’ daily activities.
There are a lot of daily activities that take place in the kitchen and a lot of things that may reveal your parent’s daily routines.
The refrigerator can show a lot about the Food that your parent’s eat at home. It may also give you an idea about the levels your parent’s may eat. Containers may have been in the refrigerator for a while. Is there a lot of empty space in the refrigerator?
The stove and surrounding cookware may have things that have been left behind by your parent. Dishes left behind by your parent may be on the counter or other surfaces.
Discarded mail often contains personal and financial documents, and, if you notice bills, pharmacy notices, or other legal notices in a pile of mail, it is worthwhile to ask why.
Avoid turning your visit into a critical assessment of your parent's situation.
Instead, ask general questions.
"What have you been cooking?"
"Do you still enjoy grocery shopping?"
"Can I help you sort through the mail?"
Your goal is to determine if there are changes to your parent's routine.
If your parent is having difficulties completing the daily tasks necessary to care for themselves, home care services available in the Baton Rouge area may help alleviate your concerns while allowing your parent to maintain their normal daily activities and routines.
Carefully Observe the Bathroom and Stairs
Some parts of the house become Nye's Watchful Eye® areas over time. The bathroom is one of those areas.
Does your parent require assistance to get in or out of the shower? Do they use the sink, a towel bar, furniture, or the wall for support?
Is there a difference in the way they use the shower or bath over the last year?
Are towels left on the floor of the bath or shower to assist in getting up or down?
Are personal toiletries relocated to lower locations to avoid the need for your parent to reach up or bend down?
Finally, Nye's Watchful Eye® is also useful when observing your parent use the stairs.
Have your parents been taking the stairs less? Are they leaving clothing at the bottom of the stairs? These are signs that your parents may be finding it difficult to use the stairs.
It’s important to look for these signs because your parents may say things like, “I can still use the stairs”, when in reality, they’re just trying to say that they aren’t fully disabled. You should ask if they are finding the stairs to be too difficult to use.
Make Sure to Observe Your Parent, Not Just Their House
A clean house does not mean that your parents are okay and do not need help.
Look for signs of illness in your parents, as well. Look for unintentional weight loss. If you see that they have lost a significant amount of weight, it’s time to have an open and honest conversation about the reason for the weight loss.
It’s okay to look for answers and observe changes in your parents. Look for changes in their personality and appearance. If your parents are telling you the same things multiple times in a short time span, this is a good indication that something is very wrong and you should reach out for professional help. Look for changes in your parents and help them have conversations with the appropriate professionals.
You’re allowed to look for answers and changes when it comes to your parents’ prescriptions. It is important to help your parents understand their medications and give questions and concerns to the appropriate professionals. The questions can be as simple as, “why isn’t my prescription being filled?” or, “what did the doctor say?”
Look for changes in your parents’ clothing.
While constantly wearing the same outfit may not raise an immediate red flag, consider if your parent is now struggling to do zippers or buttons, or is avoiding doing laundry. In those cases it may warrant discussing why that is the case.
Of course, there are other signs beyond your parent’s ability to do the button up shirt.
You have to determine what has changed from your parent's norm.
One way to understand this is to look at your parent during the holidays.
How do you speak to your parent about this without it turning into a contentious discussion?
In order to avoid conflict, try to simply state what you have observed and ask your parent what the case may be. You may also want to avoid stating what you think the case may be, as this could ultimately put your parent on the defense.
Your parent may have a different take on the situation, and this is not a bad thing.
Think about what your parent is ultimately trying to say, and figure out the crux of your parent's difficulty. This may involve your parent stating what they find to be the biggest hassle of their everyday life.
Statements such as “I noticed the cupboards are nearly bare, is grocery shopping hard for you?” or “I noticed you were uncomfortable going down the stairs, are you having difficulties with going down the stairs?” may lead your parent to answer what they find to be the most difficult task of their everyday life. These types of statements may help facilitate a conversation in which your parent may ultimately give you a starting point for how they feel and what they find to be the most difficult part of their everyday life.
You aren’t expected to change your parents’ minds during your brief visit. The goal is to identify the constraints on their independence.
If you live out-of-state, you can still arrange care in Baton Rouge.
The visit is often just the beginning.
Mail and medication piling up? They bother you on the drive back to Houston. Empty refrigerator? Worry about that, too. Parent looking thinner? That’s worrying, as well. What happens when they are finally alone?
Being away from them makes you think about the little things that become big things.
Home care arrangements in Baton Rouge can be made from out-of-state, and the process can begin immediately.
The same is true if your parent lives in Prairieville or Denham Springs.
You can arrange for an initial meeting to go over possible scenarios.
Discussing this with the home care office can help answer your concerns about the cost of potential care.
For some families, four hours weekly is a good place to start.
This time may encompass preparation for the tasks that families find most challenging. These may include meal preparation, running errands, providing companionship, and performing light housekeeping tasks.
Working with your parent to bring in a caregiver to assist with a small part of the family’s burden may work better if your parent is not receptive to bringing in a large number of caregivers.
Rather than bringing in a caregiver to address the larger issues your family is facing, it may be easier to adjust your parent’s routine to include a caregiver to assist with smaller tasks. This may help your parent feel as though they are still in control of their daily routine.
The small windows of care that you and your family are able to provide may not assist your parent if your parent needs constant or regular assistance and care.
It may be better to address your family’s care concerns one at a time. This may provide your family the ability to address more of your parent’s care needs. You will not need to provide all of the care your parent needs over the next several years during your next few family visits.
You may want to consider the changes in your parent’s routine during your next family visit. You may want to take note of the mail, food, housekeeping, clothing, stairs, and bathing. A change in one of these may not warrant concern. However, changes in multiple items over time may merit discussion.
When should I talk to my parent about this?
In most cases, it’s best to lead with a question, rather than tell them what you’ve concluded. First, tell them what you’ve seen, then ask them what they think. It’s possible your parent may have already noticed this and is considering what steps to take about it.
What should I do if my parent insists they don’t need help?
In most cases, they’re not against getting help with everything. They may be completely fine with someone helping with grocery shopping, cooking, errands, etc. The best place to start is with the activity that they find the most frustrating.
Can I set up in-home care for my parent if I’m not living there?
Yes. Because of the distance, you may not be able to make the final decisions about your parent’s care, but you can help control the process by working with the Home Instead office located nearest to your parent. You should give as much input as possible during this process to help guide the care plan.
Does home care take the place of a doctor or home health care provider?
Home Instead provides home care services that are non medical. Medical issues such as diagnosis and treatment, and changes in medication and nursing interventions should be done by a licensed health care practitioner.
Is daily care the only care option offered?
Not necessarily. Care options may also include non-daily care such as providing care for as short as 4 hours a week. The extent of care may also be determined by the support needed and the ability of the caregiver to fulfill that support.
Do not put off understanding your options until it becomes necessary. The Home Instead office in Baton Rouge can help you understand the concerns you have regarding your parent and help you determine what support would allow your parent to perform activities of daily living.
About the Author
Matt Cohn has spent more than 25 years helping older adults and their families find the right support to remain safe and comfortable at home. He owns Home Instead locations serving Baton Rouge and Hammond in Louisiana, along with locations in Georgia, and has worked closely with families, caregivers, and care professionals through many of the decisions that come with in-home care.
